October 31st, 1938

I can’t believe what just happened to Jem and Me today. Today was Halloween, and there was a pageant event at the school, so Jem went to the school with me. On our way home, we heard something behind us. At first, we thought it was Cecil Jacobs since he surprised us on our way to school. But when we called for him, we heard no answer. It was actually Bob Ewell trying to attack us. I think he stabbed me but I survived because of the costume. He went to Jem and attacked him. I was so scared. Someone came, saved Jem, and brought Jem back to our house. I didn’t realize it was Boo Radley who saved us until I saw his face straight. My wish came true. I finally got to see Boo’s face.

He looked like a ghost, but he was a human. He was a real nice guy. I felt sorry for the times when me, Dill and Jem bothered him. I am glad that I finally got to meet Boo. Atticus once told me that you never really know a man until you walk in his shoes. I think he is right. I got to know that Boo is a poor man, who is too nice and too shy. When I walked Boo home, I imagined the world from his perspective, in his porch. It felt strange. I was able to see the whole town. I wondered if Boo lived in the house, feeling happy that he can watch happy people.

I went back home and told Atticus that Boo is a real nice guy, when I got to know him, and that all those stuff about Boo is not true. He said, “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.” I remember what he said, word to word. I was glad that I finally got to see Boo.

Atticus went into Jem’s room. I know that Atticus will stay there the whole night, until Jem wakes up in the morning. I am so worried about Jem. I feel guilty because he got attacked to protect me. I regret hating Jem for few weeks recently. I love him so much.

Bob Ewell is dead. He fell on his own knife. I know that Boo killed him, but I won’t tell anyone about that. I don’t want anyone bothering him, and I’m glad that Heck Tate thought the same. I feel a bit sorry for Bob Ewell, but not much. He was a mean man. It is rude to say these things after one’s death. I know. But I’m not totally sad for his death. If he was alive this time, he probably would have attacked Atticus next.

By the way, I thank my ham suit so much. I was so close to death which scares me so much, but ham suit save me.

September 21st, 1938

School has begun. As usual, Jem and I pass by the Radley place, but I am not afraid anymore. I guess I got older, old enough not to be frightened by Boo. I am not afraid anymore, but I still want to see his face, just once.

I have almost forgotten about the trial, but when I got back to the school, it still bothered me. Miss Gates, my teacher, thought us about equality and democracy while talking about Hitler, but she was the one who said that it’s about time for blacks to get a lesson, after the trial. I am pretty sure that she thought Tom Robinson was guilty. I was confused and mad about her two sided opinions, so I asked Jem. His reaction was weird. Actually, it was surprising and shocking more than weird. I think I didn’t say anything to provoke him that much, but he got so furious and shouted at me not to talk about the trial ever again. I was even more confused. I wondered if he is upset about what Miss Gates said of about the trial. Maybe it’s because I held out the topic, the trial, while he was trying to forget about it. Anyways, I was so upset and too surprised that my tears wouldn’t even some out, so I closed the door quietly and went to Atticus. I tried to get in his lap, but I was too big now, which made me sad, because it is a sign of growing up. I might be acting like Jem if I grow up, and I will never be able to sit in Atticus’s lap as I did today.

Atticus told me that he heard me and Jem, especially Jem shouting. He said Jem is trying to forget about something, trying not to think about it, and he would be back to his normal self when enough time passes by. I was glad to hear that Jem would feel better when enough time passes by, but I wondered how long that time would be. I hope that time isn’t too long, because I want old Jem back.

August 26th, 1938

Today, I heard shocking news. I was having tea with “ladies”, because Aunt Alexandra told me to. She also made me to wear a dress. I did wear a dress, but I wore my trouser underneath it. My trousers made me so much better. Without it, it is so uncomfortable. But today, trousers didn’t help me that much. Drinking tea and sitting together with those “ladies” was a painful thing to do. I needed to pretend like a woman, listening to those women talking about extremely boring stuff. They also talked about black people, mean things about them, that almost made me get off of the seat. Miss Maudie, in the right timing as usual, stopped them. I think she kind of made them embarrassed.

In the middle of those conversations, Atticus came in and called Aunty, Miss Maudie, and me. He told us that Tom Robinson was shot seventeen times while he was trying to escape. I was shocked and sad. Now Tom isn’t even alive. I didn’t even feel uncomfortable when I got back to the seat. I was just numb with the sadness. I saw Aunt Alexandra getting back to the tea, and acting as if nothing happened. I also tried acting as if nothing happened. I was a bit disgusted with myself. But if Aunty can be a lady at a time like this, so can I.

August 16th, 1938

I am so worried about Atticus. Atticus tells me not to worry, that Ewell has got his vengefulness out of the system so he won’t cause any troubles. But Aunt Alexandra certainly doesn’t think so that way, and for the first time, I think she is right. As Aunty said, Bob Ewell is crazy enough to do anything. I hope nothing happens to Atticus.

Jem is now acting as if he is an all grown man. I guess Atticus is happy with that since I heard them talking about difficult stuff. I think they were talking about the legal system or something like that. I heard Atticus say that one of the juries wanted to acquit, and that guy was Mr. Cunningham. I was a bit surprised to hear this, but anyways, I was glad to hear this and wanted to invite Walter Cunningham to our house. However, when I told Aunt Alexandra about this, her answer was no, telling me that the Finches are not supposed to hang out with those trash. But Cunningham is no trash! He is one of my friends, and his father is a person who knows justice. I was so mad at Aunt Alexandra. She is extremely mean. When Jem realized that I was angry, he stopped me, which was a bit annoying, since I don’t like Jem acting as if he is an adult.

Jem took me to his room, and showed me his chest hair. I think he considered it as some kind of proof as growing up as an adult. To be honest, I thought it was a little bit cool.

August 14th, 1938

  Trial is over. Jem, Dill, and I watched the trial together. Tom is convicted guilty. I really cannot believe it. This is very disappointing, shocking, and sad. How can people trust Ewell’s words but not Tom’s? I don’t understand. Jem looked a lot shocked, more than me. I think he is crushed. This is the same reaction as when the knot-hole was filled, but a little worse. Maybe he doesn’t want to be a lawyer anymore, since what he thought as justice is crushed. I hope he doesn’t give up. I have always thought that Jem would be a pretty good lawyer, since he is the son of Atticus.

I feel sorry for Tom Robinson’s family. Now, Mrs. Robinson needs to raise her family by herself, since Tom is in jail and her kids also almost need to live without their father. I myself is raised without mother, but I have Calpurnia, who fills the emptiness of mother, and Atticus is a great father. I hope Mrs. Robinson is a good mother.

Anyways, I once again thought that Mrs. Crawford is really mean. She was once again gossiping and tried to ask me and Jem about the trial, even though I am quite sure that she knows we’re depressed about it. Fortunately, we were saved by Miss Maudie, who invited us for cake at the right time. This is one of the numerous reasons why I like Miss Maudie. Jem complained to her about the trial, but she told us that we have achieved something from the trial. I was confused, but I think I kind of understood. I hope Jem understood it, so he can get out of his depressed mood.

July 24th, 1938

As I have expected, living with Aunt Alexandra was very, very painful. I don’t understand why the Maycomb people are so nice to her. First of all, she made numerous lectures that I should wear dress, behave like a woman, and things more like that, which made me very, very annoyed. I accept that I am a girl. But I don’t think that I should behave as what she tells me to, since I am only eight years old. I have plenty of time to enjoy myself, playing with Jem and Dill. I don’t understand why Aunt Alexandra is telling me to do such things even when my father, Atticus, doesn’t say anything about me wearing pants. Secondly, she cares about the family so deeply that she would not stop talking about the Finches and keep telling me that I should be proud about being the Finches. I guess this is why she is telling me to behave like a woman, to stop me from degrading the family’s pride. I heard her arguing with Atticus about the way he is parenting Jem and I. She also said something about getting rid of Calpurnia. When she brought out Calpurnia, I got so mad at her. Jem knew that I was mad at Aunt Alexandra, and started lecturing me, telling me that I should not antagonize her. I got so mad at him when I realized that I was being lectured. I know that Atticus didn’t want me to fight, but I couldn’t bear his arrogance anymore, so I beat him up. I felt a bit guilty because of Atticus, but I have been waiting for this moment since Jem started acting like all grown-up. This moment didn’t go for so long because Atticus came to break the fight. He sent me and Jem to bed. When I went to bed, I found something under my bed, which was DILL!! I was so happy that he was here, but I couldn’t be all so happy, because Dill has ran away from his house when his mother and new father didn’t pay enough attention to him. I felt very sorry for him. I thought his new father was a nice guy like Atticus (but certainly less nice than Atticus, since there are no fathers in the world as nice as Atticus), but I guess he wasn’t. Jem went down and told Atticus, which was very, very shocking. He broke the code. Dill and I was so disappointed in him. Anyways, I got some food for Dill as Atticus told me. After he finished the dishes, he went to bed with Jem. I also fell asleep, but after a while, Dill came into my bed. We talked a while about his father, and then Dill suddenly suggested having a baby. I guess he said that incautiously and sleepily, but I was a bit happy when he said that. I wanted to get married to him as soon as possible. I wonder if there are other boys like Dill in the world.

July 7th, 1938

     Summer arrived and Jem is now acting as if he is all grown up man. I really don’t like that. Now I am so lonely, since Jem doesn’t want to play with anymore which made me long for Dill. However, Dill did not appear. This upset me very much. I have been waiting for Dill the whole year. He wrote in the letter that he had a new father so he has to stay in Meredian, but not to worry since he is going to marry him. I was kind of glad to hear that, but still, I had nothing left to do, and it was such a boring day after day. Even Atticus has left Jem and I for the emergency session. As a result, we had nothing to do on Sunday, which made Calpurnia to take us to her church, the black church. To be honest, I was excited but also a bit afraid of going to the black church. Calpurnia washed me so rough and made me wear girlish clothes which I was very uncomfortable with. I was surprised when Calpurnia talked strangely, I mean like a black person. I was a bit questioned, but I just thought it’s a black church, so she talks black way. I was scared when a black woman talked fiercely to Calpurnia about bringing me and Jem to the church.  I thought we should go back, and Jem thought so too, but I realized that others didn’t mind about us being in the black church. I was happy to hear that they are glad that Jem and I are here. To be honest, the church looked poor, unpainted, they didn’t even have hymnals. However, I liked this church better than my church. This church felt more like a community, more close to each other, helping others who need help. At the service for Tom Robinson’s wife, I found out that Tom Robinson was accused by Bob Ewell. I was totally surprised when I heard this. I thought Bob Ewell is a mean man whom no one believes or trusts, but I guess people trust Bob Ewell more than a black man which is hard for me to understand.

When Jem and I went back to home, Aunt Alexandra was waiting for us. We were greeted with the news that Aunt Alexandra would be staying with us. I doubted my ears when I heard this. She said that she is staying with us to give us a “feminine influence.” I am so worried about the days living with her.